bLank

2011-10-05T22:07:00.002+08:00

my rants.

just that it has shifted location, from singapore to china, beijing.

the feeling of soreness is just unbearable.

mistaken for trying to dig gossips when i was merely concerned about that person.

good intention of sharing the show that everyone seemed to be very interested in 5 days ago became a very 'toot' action, with everyone giving reasons that seemed rather valid to leave me watching the show alone.

the never ending list of events which makes me sore, even though some of them may be little things that really doesnt matter in life.

10022011

2011-02-10T23:05:00.002+08:00

happy 2011.

unhappy 2010.

eversince the day i know i'm really not appreciated, even by my family members.

even till now, mom is still unable to remember which are the days i need to eat dinner early so that i can rush for tuition. it's been more than 6 months. history repeats itself every week.

starved during tuition today.

came back.

wanted to do some work.

sat in the kitchen (moved out from my own room cuz mom sleeps in my room), took out my books, and the cigarette smell from my neighbour comes in. pek chek ttm.

my GOOD neighbour smokes nonstop every day. just yesterday, within an hour there were 4 episodes of cigar smoke attack into my kitchen.

so i wore the mask sue bought for 5566 from taiwan.

my mom took out a box of face mask and said to me, "拿，这里还有很多。" sensed her sarcasm and moved into my own room. thanks. but no thanks, i'll rather stay in my room. even if it disturbs your sleep, mom.

03062010

2010-06-03T11:05:00.003+08:00

Have not been updating my blog for ages, anyway I don't think anyone will read it.
Been busy working, tuition-ing, and now, preparing for my korea trip which is in 2 weeks' time. Yayness.
My birthday is coming in 2 days' time! Biggest birthday in one's life- 21st!
Anyway, this song is great :)
However it makes me feel guilty. :X

너 아니면 안돼

오늘도 내 기억을 따라 헤매다
이 길 끝에서 서성이는 나
다신 볼 수도 없는 니가 나를 붙잡아
나는 또 이 길을 묻는다
널 보고싶다고 또 안고싶다고
저 하늘 보며 기도하는 나
* 니가 아니면 안돼
너 없이 난 안돼
나 이렇게 하루 한달을 또 일년을
나 아파도 좋아
내 맘 다쳐도 좋아 난
그래 난 너 하나만 사랑하니까
나 두번 다시는 보낼 수 없다고
나 너를 잊고 살 순 없다고
* 니가 아니면 안돼
너 없이 난 안돼
나 이렇게 하루 한달을 또 일년을
나 아파도 좋아
내 맘 다쳐도 좋아 난
그래 난 너 하나만 사랑하니까
내 멍든 가슴이
널 찾아오라고
소리쳐 부른다
넌 어딨는거니
나의 목소리 들리지 않니
나에게는
나 다시 살아도
몇번을 태어나도
하루도 니가 없이 살 수 없는 날
내가 지켜줄 사랑
내가 사랑할 사랑
난
그래 난 너 하나면 충분하니까
너 하나만 사랑하니까

This song reminds me of you.

2010-01-10T00:57:00.002+08:00

blank.

my mind is in a whirl when im typing this.

just read my entries written back in 2006. my blog is about 4 years old!

but it's more stagnant than muddy pools.

anyway, term break is ending. and i'm really sad.

and i'm really worried cuz i won't have time for my blogshop once school starts. and my friend isn't exactly like very helpful cuz of character i guess.

hmmm and i'm really tired.

good night =)

20112009

2009-11-20T23:48:00.003+08:00

hmmm..

how long has it been since i last blogged?

well, there was a sudden rush of emotions when i was looking through some photos on facebook. hahaha. some familiar yet not so familiar faces, and those memories just came flooding in. ahh! RV days! was so *exciting* thanks to some people and i really still love them to the core. hahahaha. though i think everyone has gone separate ways. omg! miss those days!

cuz im so totally not enjoying uni life. and exams, tests and datelines always make me so full of emotions. thanks man. and today's materia medica nearly killed me and emptied my 中焦 contents. if u get what i mean.

jiayou!

2009-06-01T23:22:00.003+08:00

it's been a long time since i last felt so strongly for something.

i really miss st luke's!

hahaha. 不见得去年有这种感触。

it's not the jobscope or the PPE that i miss, but the freedom to blabber with anyone who passes by. like for e.g, the security guard, the amb guys, my own colleagues, the visitors, etc etc, despite getting scolded many times by the impatient and unreasonable visitors, the hot PPE and the 15minutes lunch break (of which we just heck and don't follow).

guess i'm really not cut out to work in an office. ok maybe yes in an office, but not solely doing just admin job. i got such a headache after trying so hard to keep myself awake for that few hours. and my lunch was at a crazy hour of 4pm!

okayyy enough of blabbering. agnes if you do read this, consider hiring me back! HAHAHA. like anyone will read my blog lah. >.<

2009-05-10T18:28:00.002+08:00

woots!
haven't been writing for a long long time.
happy mother's day!

these few months has been crazy. the most crazy being the breakage of a friendship and silly me thinking i can salvage it though i still think i'm not in the wrong. i mean, it's nobody's fault, but i'm just silly and now it seems like i'm at fault. but wells, so be it. i guess there's a limit to everyone's tolerance level, and both of us have reached the max.

hmmm! so tired recently! roars. complain and complain nonstop. work's like boring, especially on weekends. argh. working on weekends really makes me feel so rawr! =X

and congrats to my dearest juniors who have gotten what they want for uni! woots! looking foward to picnic=)

i love pigging around, even at work. HAHA

2009-03-21T21:28:00.002+08:00

ahh.

suddenly feeling very emo-ish again.

that's why i'm blogging duh.

haiz.

anyway had xlb with miss tanxy ytd.

yumm i love xlb. gosh i ate so much ytd. 4 xlb, horfun, bubble tea for dinner.

had this hotpot thingy from sakae for lunch ytd.

ah i spent so much on food!

and today i didnt even get to eat lunch cuz mommy forgot to cook.

sigh.

i'm forever invisible.

2009-03-11T21:56:00.003+08:00

总觉得命运在玩弄我。

去年的这个时候是如此，今年更糟。

可能有的时候梦过就足够了。

再勉强也是没用的。

不是放弃，而是醒悟了。

2009-03-08T19:47:00.002+08:00

hmmm.

i did something very foolish today!

okay i did 2 very foolish things today.

first was to step into orchard hotel and erm take the forms and start filling them up after i met clarice.

next was to buy the stupid prepaid at singtel.

lols.

ok i know i'm stupid. i always am.

yeah scold me dumb. cuz i really am.

2009-02-28T22:25:00.003+08:00

everytime i mention this to someone, my tears will just roll down uncontrollably.

especially when someone tries to console me.

yeah actually this week was quite happening, not just studying for ygw of course, but many other stuff going on, like going for tuition on tues and ... and something happened.

and then it went on and on, and i think it will end on wed. wells.

and i got a new pianO! it's not brand new; it's second hand, but i love it. lovely, and clear with a tinge of sweetness in the tone. woots.

went for tuition today and the sun at 3pm as usual is making my head ache like crazy. yes until now. and met up with a new friend. whom i think is a waste that he's leaving.

met up with sis liyan ytd and ate BENTEN. rocks man. i really love the ice cream. i swear. not just looking at the waiter. ahahha. but the noodles not that nice actually.

okies enough of random ranting. tata~

2009-02-22T00:52:00.006+08:00

of mao-dun-ology.

i realised in life there are so so so many things which are so so so mao dun.

and seeing other people's mao-dun-ness makes me feel so urghhh. fake-ness.

so glad to have true friends around who really cared. to tide over this period.

and i realise these people are the ones who have been 'stuck' together with me for many many years!

and you guys are my sunflower! =D

flower from jm!

2009-02-20T21:54:00.002+08:00

原来最疼痛的表情竟是没有情绪
原来最残忍的画面可以甜言蜜语
我不懂得如何更爱你
影子讽刺地
跟着我难分难离
原来最孤单的是我还是那么想你
原来最悲哀的是我不能面对自己
你收的干净
我也会不留一点痕迹

woah i think i answered the facebook notes question wrongly. this song should be more suitable.

haiz, maybe i'm too straight forward and i suppose i can't expect everyone to be as blunt as me right? and to be as introvert as me.

but i still don't agree with people who don't mean what they say. ooops. it's my lao mao bing again of saying whatever that i feel.

maybe i should keep everything to myself instead. =X

>.<

i hope i can recover.

2009-02-16T21:22:00.002+08:00

i forgot i needed to blog, too much things has been going on in my mind.

i put on a strong front, to avoid getting hurt, but what do i get back in return? more pain.

i give my friends 101% trust, but in the end the outcome is far from expected.

i stopped talking to you and put you away in my list, because i'm afraid i'll 越陷越深。

i write emo entries, because i feel i have no one else i can confide in. no one.

i feel like quitting school, because of a hundred and one reasons. unspoken of.

secrets. why should they be announced to everyone?

2009-02-12T23:51:00.001+08:00

hahaha i blog whenever i'm emo, angry or feel very strongly about certain things.

this entry is no exception.

firstly, it's the stress from school work. like people have already started memorising, or even memorised that few things laoshi told us to, but i'm still so lost in class! my books and notes remain the way they are after lectures. i'm such a grrrr. procrastinator. and the reason? cuz i just suck at time management. ahhh!

secondly, it's the stress from driving. my driving is really super lousy and i dunno how?! jiu ming arh!

thirdly, my sis's wedding is really kind of time consuming despite me not being very involved in it. but still this whole week is crap.

and i love attituding pple. hahahaha. for some reason. which i feel very very very very very very sad after that. AHHHH.

okies off to procrastinate more. i'm so shitty.

2009-02-07T00:06:00.002+08:00

as i watch my sister pack her things away and weeping like a little girl, i began to wonder.

eternal happiness. these two words should never come together as a descriptive word.

i hope sis is will really be happy, cuz i won't want my invisible tears to go wasted. putting up a strong front and telling her she's moving on to a better place for a better life.

ok this should be a joyous occassion, but i really have no idea why i'm so vexed over this! ahh. mixed feelings.

i saw something after school today which really saddened me. and upon reaching home my heart sank further. maybe happiness is really in our own hands.

2009-02-04T00:27:00.002+08:00

放弃，也许是最好的办法。

放弃，也许是对自己最公平的选择。

放弃了就快乐多一些。

hahahax feeling a little emo suddenly. it's always like that but i just can't control! sometimes the stronger you appear to be, the weaker you are actually. the happier i appear, the sadder i am actually. to divert attention away from the unhappiness.

that sounds scary. but i guess thats what makes a human human. complexity.

2009-02-01T17:23:00.003+08:00

absolutely given up.

on alot of things.

the most important being studying for ygw. wahahha. i hate it please. i hate memory work, plus i hate chinese. add them up together, they make me puke. and moreover it's festive season and a sunday and it's a lazy sunday afternoon! i feel like zzz-ing after playing cake mania! awhahah. can you imagine i actually play such stuff?

the most most important being i've given up waiting and waiting. what was the thing that laosh said about 期待? i can't remember, but anyway, it's just so not worth it. hehehe so just be happy!

time flies and it's the 1st day of the 2nd month of the year 2009. zoom zoom and i'll be in china in no time.

i miss my old old friends! s06, 2ians and my really really old pri sch frens. woah...! +)

2009-01-28T17:23:00.004+08:00

woah. i think some people are just too much. i don't think he'll ever visit this blog cuz he's too busy mugging his stupid ass away, so i shall just blabber off.

ok someone with the only authority in class has done nothing but collated this document and thats it.and being nice people we help to organise activities but what was his reaction? ordered us here and there thinking he's really big and big and really huge. and does not even want to contribute a little to the execution of his own ideas. and even THREATENED US. wth it's really too much. i mean if you don't really care so be it and just shut your damn bloody mouth.so what if you are older than us. hello we do things a hundred thousand times better than you.

Happi New year to all says (6:47 PM):
class rep organise things onli ... not do things...
Happi New year to all says (6:47 PM):
if not i busy haha
Happi New year to all says (6:47 PM):
so far so good rite? haha

liying says (6:48 PM):
u very busy with what lor?!
liying says (6:48 PM):
other than studying!
Happi New year to all says (6:48 PM):
haha not i organise mah haha got pple organise

liying says (6:46 PM):
anw... how's the lunch preparation for tmr alr?
liying says (6:46 PM):
where we gg?
Happi New year to all says (6:46 PM):
haha paisay was reading my book...
Happi New year to all says (6:46 PM):
jiayin organise haha
Happi New year to all says (6:46 PM):
i onli pay money and act act haha

ok thats enough to make my blood boil. though i'm not the organiser but still, this kind of action really makes me puke.

and some idiots just love to cut queues and poke their noses into people's things. like one who cuts queues for queueing tickets for concert, at the bus interchange (many times somemore), goodie bag queues and etc. and goes around poking their hands into the goodies bags that have not been given out. where's that sense of shame.

and some idiots just love looking at people's books. drink dou nai somemore while reading. if you ever drip it on the book you are really really dead meat. i swear i'll help my fren chop u up into pieces and pieces.

hello lah guys please just wake up. results are not all that matters though they really matter. volunteer work is meant to come from the heart if you wanna do it then show us you really can handle them properly.

i think staying in tcm course really makes me more and more vulgar.

happy birthday mommy. love you loads =D

next is scolding myself.

hello silly girl you are really too silly. why do you care so much about all these idiots? just forget about them all and lead your own happy life and don't ever show that you are a weakling. and please really get the dust off your books cuz you know you'll have a terribly busy february and there's not much time for so many things though you sometimes think you are superwoman. but you are not! you have your parents to take care of and lest to say yourself so please take good care of yourself! don't keep doing silly things like coming online till so damn bloody late waiting and waiting for somethings that you know will not ever ever happen. please! ok books books and notes notes please go pay them a visit, you've been neglecting them for too long!!

11012009

2009-01-11T20:52:00.003+08:00

i'm so caught in between now.

and my mood is like super roller coaster going up and down.

i was still happily looking out for a piano for myself, but i just came to know that my mom didnt really want me to get a piano. and i felt so... haiz. don't really know what to say.

i really don't wish to spend my whole uni life just taking modules and not involved in any other activity aside tuition and more tuition. it's my screwed up life and the screwed up fate that i can't face. and someone who totally screwed up my life.

a big dilemma i'm facing now, to help or not to help. that person don't seem to want my help, so maybe i should just keep my mouth and hands to myself. sigh. and stupid elective is making me crazy. shit.

i think i'm just too kpo. why's my sentences all starting with i? hell.

and i feel like quitting school. who wants to join me?

[edited]
women. a bunch of weirdos. ok including me. argh i thought i would be happy but i ended up being so so so angry with myself. argh. i should just go to sleep.

09012009

2009-01-09T09:44:00.002+08:00

it's 9 days into the year of 2009 and i have not blogged for the year!

okays recently mood very good, for some odd reasons which some friends may know. but for all i know this spells trouble. great big trouble.

i usually don't have the habit of making new year resolutions, and same for this year, but i wish that all will be well for the coming new year (ok it's already the new year).

tcm modules certainly don't look good and nonetheless appealing. i mean chinese is bad enough, lest to say 古文. how crazy can this get? by the way, people in the past don't use punctuations until like recent century that they adopted it from the westerners. O.o so good luck to me in deciphering their crazy old language.

ok thats about all, i hope everything will go smoothly this year and recession (or depression) will disappear like miracle. haha!

19112008

2008-11-19T23:47:00.001+08:00

omt.

studying really makes one person damn high.

usually he is a man of few words, but suddenly..

lols.

first he said he is a cute boy, then later he asked me if i have dieded.

wadde!

but nonetheless this is sufficient to put me into a good night's dream =D

02102008

2008-10-02T23:10:00.003+08:00

觉得我的prof 非常无聊。为何要把他的网页，其实是module 的网页锁起来呢？无聊无聊无聊！

现在惹到我好暴躁喔！

还有他们都喜欢最后一分钟通知说有小测验。grrrr. 受不了！

今天身子好不舒服啊！发烧然后又咳嗽。coughs coughs. 还逃课回家睡觉耶。整个星期都没上到tutorial! 真惭愧！没办法。谁叫我那么不耐用。哈哈。什么吗，我头脑已经烧毁了，不知道在胡说些什么。

好的。要练习华语。还有钢琴。因为我相信会有那么一天。=）

27092008

2008-09-28T00:33:00.002+08:00

今天的kbox outing 又再一次掀起我对音乐的兴趣，也总觉得在学所结交的朋友是一生中最不可多得的。

朋友就带我们到 “民歌餐厅”去。真喜欢那个地方！看到乐手们我就想弹钢琴！那个keyboardist is so cool! 觉得今天所听到的某些歌曲真是勾起好多回忆喔！也激发我要努力学华语。哈哈! 好让我能学习多一些歌曲。然后伴奏！yay! 那就是今年年底的功课！

其实对音乐的热忱没有变过。我只希望有机会再进一步发展。=）

后会有期了!

24092008

2008-09-25T00:45:00.002+08:00

woah my brain was so fried up just now. it still is actually.

cuz due to hari raya and driving test, my whole of next week is super duper messed up and lotsa lotsa makeup to do and i can't shift anything on mon and tues cuz they are lab days. and left with thurs and fri, but im having test on fri and thurs definitely got to revise some driving skills since i haven't been driving for like one and half months! AH! that explains my dilemma. not di, its multilemma. oh drats.

and im bombed by some random person talking about random things and doing very random thing.

another random fren tells me not to overthink and i shall do that. ahhaha. yeah i know i always overthink but it's like haha omt!

okies next week's gonna be busy busy cuz of PSLE and EOY and makeup and driving and tests. OMFG! shall chiong sleep now. tata!

23092008

2008-09-24T00:01:00.002+08:00

woah.

nearly post this entry in oh six blog. how come it's on the top of the dashboard!

feeling much better now, after being sheltered from all the 'rain and shine' in this recess week.

a friend tells me, 'you should start studying now!'.

ok yeah maybe i should. but i wanna enjoy the hols more first. =D for definitely studying is not enjoyable. =X

i badly need aircon. yucks.

13092008

2008-09-13T00:39:00.005+08:00

TGIF!

this week has been so... so erms. and i think the following week will be worse.

cuz my tutee just requested THREE lessons per week starting from the next. kind of crazy. and i myself gonna have test next week. so just bless me.

wahah next week is ponning week. wadever unimportant lecs i'm just gonna pon and go for tuition lols.

everyday is tuition from mon to sat and sun is piano woohoo im rocking.

anw today was so embarrassing.

the bus stopped before the bus stop just in front of a pool of mud. and i actually thought it was some solid soil and i just jumped down from the bus onto the mud. woohoo. and walked off like it didnt happen. HAHAHA. sheeesh. bus rides are ever so interesting. from roller coaster to mudbath.

okays some photos. taken like so uber long ago. 怀念当天。

10092008

2008-09-10T23:47:00.002+08:00

today is a really super shag day.

been teaching tuition from fri till yesterday and today's lesson ended so late at 6.30pm and i really felt like half dead. zombie-ing around.

and then i took this 179A which felt like a roller coaster cuz the driver was so >.< drove so fast at sharp bends. and later he stopped at the boarding berth for us to alight. i heard most people commenting about this 'exciting' journey. wahha.

and the bus back home was also kind of interesting. cuz this indian couple rather big in size were standing at the door. and i couldn't get pass. when i finally did, i got caught in between the two doors and i used some martial arts pose to pry open the door (prevent it from banging me). must be so hilarious man. my arm hurt after that and so did my right palm. which i had used for the martial arts.

tutorials left undone, lab report not started. aiyah, dun really wanna care for these few days. i shall rest more and heck more. hahahx.

cuz i'm simply kind of sian. really hard to make friends whom you can trust 100%. you treat people with 100% sincerity, but u get only half of it back. so wads the point? just be zibi. and the phenomenon is that, when people grow older, they become more and more complex. yeah so just be zibi. wahha.

okies so tired. teehee tuition again tml. i'm really zombie-ing. =D

05092008

2008-09-05T23:47:00.003+08:00

天将降大任于斯人也，必先苦其心智，劳其筋骨。

噢我的天啊。

竟然是我的一个新同学所说的话。

令我非常吃惊。

也感到害怕。

但也许我也真的该如此。

希望没有错别字。

娃哈哈。

尽请原谅。

wahha i feel so cheena. oops.

went for a new tuition today.

her house got dog.

omt. freaking scary. i totally on FULL GUARD the whole lesson.

so tired now. =X

04092008

2008-09-04T22:14:00.002+08:00

jus went facebook to look at some interesting things. like things which i never know of. wahha.

and it made me kind of miss working days. playing with the old ladies and work is so stressfree! as in actually it's suppose to be stressful but we just kind of heck it.

cuz school work is like. sigh. and managing relationships (i'm talking only about FRIENDSHIP now) is so roars. as in, i don't expect to make any real good friends, but at least not like none.

really miss old days, and especially sec school. argh. and my old friends! HELP! please yue me out soon before i turn crazy!

31082008

2008-08-31T01:01:00.003+08:00

wow. haven't heard co music for quite sometime. ok maybe not that long ago i went for njco concert, but wells.

rvco rocks and rocks forever! i love my cellobass friends! can't call seniors and juniors anymore since everyone is like so grownup. feels great to meet up with people whom u can really laugh and talk with! i haven't laughed so hard for ages le. i miss them!

concert was ok, shall not comment since i've been out of this world for a long time le.

for sure the last song brought alot of memories. i teared quite abit when the juniors were playing that song. reminded me of my 4 years in rvco and through the syf with my best of besties. could still remember some of the notes and fingerings; this shows how hard we have prac-ed that time. 爱诗 will always be remembered, together with the best memories in rv that it brought together with it. tears and joy. love rvco to bits =)

rvco should just play long de chuan qi some day. togehter with ai shi. and then i'll cry a dozen pail of tears.

and i finally understand what is the meaning of so near yet so far. but nonetheless i'm happier now. =D

okies shall go to sleep! regret not taking more pics today! miss old frens!

30082008

2008-08-30T00:20:00.002+08:00

today's date is kind of nice too.

30082008.

anw went to the bridal shop with my sis after my tuition. makes me feel like getting married myself!

on the way back there was this indian man. he thinks that he is some bollywood star. singing so loudly and with actions that go so well with the song. lols. the whole train was so fascinated and a group of boys started cheering and say that the indian man is their singapore idol.

oh wells.

quite funny.

these few days have been filled with fun and laughter. beginning to enjoy school days though does not necessarily mean that i love studying. yikes.

gossiping is always fun! yay! and talking bad about some lecturers. wahahha. esp that erhem one.

and i'm so poor now! i need to look for more tuition! wahha. busy making money and catching up with sleep. rawwrs.

okies shall go zzz le. =D

24082008

2008-08-24T22:01:00.002+08:00

beijing olympics just ended with the closing ceremony! seriously i had expected more than what i saw, but nonetheless the fireworks was preeeetty!

anw, school work's like crap man. and lecturers love to upload the notes so super last minute and i can't print at home cuz its like so many slides and my printer can't take it. and i hate going lectures without notes cuz i simply will fall aslp. not like with notes i won't, but lower tendency since there's paper and diagrams and picturs for me to look at and scribble on.

and so thats wads gonna happen tml!

i haven gone down to take my printer. shucks. i only have till 31st aug and i dun think i can make it! arhh! helP!

jiuming! so little time! i hardly get to sleep. arghs.

it's been raining the whole of today and ytd. i wonder when it'll stop. met bernie today at gombak and went to bbdc with her! and we had lunch together. feels so good to meet old friends!

okies this week's gonna be killer again. i'm looking forward to exercise day which i dun understand why. LOLX.

20082008

2008-08-20T23:45:00.002+08:00

today's date is so beautiful!

i realise i use the word 'beautiful' alot of times when i was younger. but as i grow older, this word becomes extint and seldom appear le.

anw, was talking to this person online. still is but i'm planning to end the conver cuz i'm almost boiling le.

this person was asking me to relax about ytd's issue. and i told him my plans of which he said was good. then he kept saying relax which i don't understand why. maybe guys are just so not trustworthy and like to give others the impression that they are just some lazy bums.

anyway then he was saying my course is so slack. HARLOW! beg your pardon. i'm already so freaking diao by the 5-day week timetable and you are telling me this! sianz. i totally shut him up by saying i dun really wish to talk to him. but he continues. and claims that he was just giving me some senior advice.

maybe this is a results of age gap. or just the ego-ness of an egoistic guy.

eeks.

anw my that long hated tutee just fired me! i'm so happy! cuz i long wanted to fire him but just that i didn't wanna make myself look so irresponsible. so it's time to search for another one. maybe. ahhax. =))

16082008

2008-08-16T11:13:00.002+08:00

woah! this whole week has been really crazy. with tutorials starting. and with my new lappie! im tapping away on it right now. heh.

it's kind of good too. cuz through tutorials i get to know more people. and be less zibi.

but after tutorials everyone just went their separate ways. and i continue to zibi. ahahha.

everyday's so packed and full of stuffs to do.

went for claire guojing's campus concert yesterday. it was good! i think she can really sing. she looks abit off chinese, slightly angmoish. hahahahx. and really skinny. but powerful voice.

i'm really poor now. burnt a hole in my pocket cuz of the lappie. WOOHOO.

going off for driving. arghss. super scared.

14082008

2008-08-15T00:14:00.002+08:00

yay! first entry using my new lappie=)

queued for 3 plus hours for this lappie k and it's finally mine. so happy. i hope this lappie lasts long man. *prays hard*

starting to adapt to this kind of crap life. like going for lectures without notes and all. feels so disorganised. i must force myself to tidy up and organise my stuff this weekend!

okies shall go sleep now. tml's lecture in the morning is gonna be really toot diao. cuz seriously i didn't have a very good first impression. of the lecturer and the module.

and i realise i really like psychology. ok, i mean after the first lecture. woo!~

11082008

2008-08-11T11:37:00.002+08:00

my brain is dried and fried from the add drop thing for electives. it's so crap. and my appeal hasn't got any response yet.

tml is first tutorial of the sem! and i'm really really hoping to get to know more people from the tut. and the lab session (that is if we can interact during lab >.< ). and i think my uni life is so. grrr. i end on average 4.30pm each day. with fri at 10.30am but without adding the other elective. yuck.

so far, zibi has been so successful. so successful that this senior who is like overall incharge of the orientation for my school thought me, jy, wx and sil were seniors. wad de. that shows how segregated i am from the school.

and today is holiday. and i'm stoning at home. wahhah. diaoz.

06082008

2008-08-06T09:35:00.002+08:00

i really dislike this kinda life. everything's in a mess.

the stupid electives. now i don't have a single elective and i feel damn stressed out. cuz it means during my other sems i have to pia like siaoness. and this sem i'm like slack like siaoness. how!?!? stupid system!

and i'm really beginning to hate my school. hate everyone there. hate them for being so happy in their big cliques. i feel like just dropping out from there. the hell place.

on a happier note, i met him that day! and so cool. AHHAH. okies. even this can't heal my sorrows now. haiz.

04082008

2008-08-04T00:21:00.002+08:00

AH!school's starting today!

i'm not having a single good feeling about it.

okies tata.

i'm peeling.

like a banana. =)

really love my s06 friends. for going through this period of ZOBSS with me. HAHA. shall update more!

31072008

2008-07-31T23:26:00.002+08:00

today's last day of july. meaning school's starting really soon.

in fact, it has already started today. and i'm not having a single good feeling about it.

look around the school cohort and u see cliques and cliques of people. big groups and big groups of them. how can they possibly be from the same jc? somemore with guys too. must be og mah rite.

and this got me thinking. are orientation camps really beneficial for freshmen? if not everyone is able to go? cuz like so many who were unsuccessful in signing up for the camp, like me and wanxuan, were like wandering souls and walking zombies. cuz we simply can't fit in.

ahhax, writing about this so openly. i hope when seniors see these they dun erm take a gun and shoot me. or anyone from the school.

alrights.

i baked something ytd.

i baked myself.

i'm on fire now. my back is aching like crap due to the sunburn. arghs. this must be 99.9% burnt.

and after suntanning i went clark quay. to explore. HAHHAHAH! but so sad, when i felt myself going high i gotta leave. cuz of the boring thing today. haiz.

okies. i shall continue cooling myself down. both physically and mentally. lols.

27072008

2008-07-27T17:41:00.004+08:00

oh no! hahahx i think i'm a stalker. by reading pple's blogs. and gossiping about them. uhoh. shhhsh.

went for this ceremony yesterday and i felt so weird, odd and uneasy. guess thats how i'm so gonna feel when i go for the orientation day.

was talking to an old uncle last night. and he asked me where i'm going to. so ntu, different from where he is. and i laughed. and he said 'happy right. dun need to see me.' but i know its not this case! but he refused to believe. seriously, i would love to see everyone and anyone i know back in uni. cuz i'm so friendless now. really would love to see him. again. hahax.

my mom's frying some crap now for dinner. meaning she's spoiling my diet plan. arggh.

i wanna spend my last week of freedom wisely! beach, club, everything! and meet up with all my dear friends. =) and maybe do some baking? baking anyone? *randomness*

Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?

Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions .

23072008

2008-07-23T11:27:00.002+08:00

i realise i'm really afraid of this particular group of people.

eversince that day this incident which traumatised me till now. that white shiny teeth and flashy smile. cuz one fine night i got followed by this indian man who kept smiling at me on the train. *faints* and he took his hp and brandished it in the air while smiling at me when i was walking through the park back home. ARHH! so scary pls. i quickly called my sis and they came down to fetch me. *screams*

and yesterday i was in boonlay and i walked like wind, fast and invisible to those camping on the grass patch.

thank goodness i was invisible.

anyways, i just realise i'm less than a month away from my driving test. wow. prepared to fail!

21072008

2008-07-22T14:58:00.002+08:00

wow.

it's just one more week to school.

i'm starting to dread it.

i did a very foolish thing yesterday- i deleted away some very valuable memories.

life's a bore recently. people please ask me out!!

yesterday was a chore. time crawled like snail! sobx!

here i am in the library again, this time without any powerpoint cuz bb lib has got no 'accessible' powerpoint. AH TOOT.

and i'm really dreading school. my longest holiday in life (excluding that after i retire lols) is soon to be over. bless me. and i haven't got to know any friends from my course yet. rocks man.

2008-07-17T13:19:00.002+08:00

im so in love with the 10pm show on channel u! and the theme song!

so far life's been kind of boring. typing away now in je library cuz my house's connection is down. TOTALLY DEAD. before that was connect disconnect and now it's totally dead. >.<

hongkong trip was fun! really crappy and adventurous. more than half the photos are in facebook, but the rest omt lar cant upload dunno why keeps saying upload failed. -.-

then the next day was my sis's ROM. and more photos to go but can't seem to upload again. ahaha!

went out with my pri sch classmates on sunday and it was like omt. 8 lawyers in future and 2 docs. hmmm. was kind of surprised only 2 docs, but the number of lawyers is overwhelming.

HAHA! i just peeped over! the guy next to me is blogging and facebooking too! waahhha.

30062008

2008-07-01T00:22:00.003+08:00

half a year just went past like this.

was so bored just now that i decided to change the blogskin.

but guess what.

my connection went buang again when i clicked save template changes. so my effort went wasted.

i really didn't want to say those nasty things to you, but i just can't control myself when i hear and see unpleasant things. unpleasant only to my eyes though.

28062008

2008-06-29T01:02:00.004+08:00

last day of work ended on friday. and i guess that's the beginning of a new phase in life.

it was as usual, hectic and crazy with me handling 2-3 or even 3-4 patients by myself at one go, which is totally impossible. thanks to someone.

and i felt that meal was the longest one ever. and that shopping trip. HAHA.

anws, today was another crazy day.

woke up early in the morning feeling super groggy due to lack of sleep, and went for driving. and that instructor was kind of bad at explaining stuff, unlike the previous one i had. and he made my wait like 15-20mins for test plate cars, while other lesson plate cars were able to use another place. he jus insisted on me using the slot that test plate cars were using. -.- so ended up being one of the last to end the lesson =.=

then went home, and brought daddy out. then chiong-ed for tuitioin. then chiong-ed back cuz i forgot daddy's medicine was still in my bag. then chiong to meet ly, cy and js.

nice reminiscing the past. it's always nice to do that.

i really wanna meet up with as many pple as possible in july! yay!

15062008

2008-06-15T19:54:00.006+08:00

was looking through photos. taken like in the past two years.

i think i really bloated. STOP EATING FAT PIG!

but looking at those pictures. those memories, i felt like going back to the past.

how did my life become so screwed?

i'm a player turned workaholic.
a person who loves to organise activities turned lazy and even pon activities.
a person who doesn't mind giving bday treats turned not even giving bday presents.
a music lover turned wooden block.

ok or maybe not.

i think i really can't be bothered about alot of things, which i think made my life very miserable.

or maybe i cared too much, which made me miserable enough not to bother about them anymore.

or maybe whatever that has happened at home has made me super numb. unfeeling.

listening to the blog music on yuquan's blog makes me damn emo and sad.

yi ge ren sheng huo by ling fan. it's really super emo.

i think my life's destined to be alone.

because i can only see watch you being happy with some other girl(s).

do you even know that i cared?

_________________________________________
just played cello. it feels like years since i've touched it. more than half a year. i really want to go back to playing piano and cello. i really want.

13062008

2008-06-13T23:16:00.020+08:00

today's black friday!

erm.

yesterday was a really bad day. morning went pass slowly and sleepily. then the afternoon patients were like so dots. the usual tay swee huang who makes my day kept complaining that we are torturing her and yelled that she doesn't wanna come for rehab anymore. but she's still really cute. and my day at work ended with a vomit plus plus patient and i felt damn sad about it.

then the worse part was cuz of the vomit plus plus, i was late in going back home and hence rushing for tuition. and on the bus i was so tired that i dozed off slightly. and the purse in my hand just slipped off. when i alighted and couldn't find my purse to tap the card, AHH! i realise it's gone. argh. okies. wells. then my ic and all. gone missing.

so worried i still carried on with tuition. but at least it kept my mind away. from the negative things that happened. so went back home and cried! AH! was damn sad. super suay. plus before that at work some management said that i cannot go for the tbcu cuz my sup's gotta be at meeting so i cannot take the time off for the tbcu in the afternoon. meaning i have to go on my own in the morning and rush back for work.

wells, so in the end i took urgent leave cuz have to settle my ic stuff and all. plus the tbcu.

anyway, today was a good day. my mom told me friday thirteenth is an auspicious day for the chinese. in the chinese saying.

maybe.

cuz i found my wallet! went to take passport size photo then hopped by smrt office at bukit batok and the friendly recept called the cck office and it's there!! love the driver! he didnt take a single cent man. and so i went to cck to claim it back. by then it was already quite late. plus i went to do up my atm card.

then went to novena. for the tbcu. shall take picture of the place when i go back on monday. it's really ulu. until cannot ulu. and shabby and old, torn and tattered until i dunno wad to say.

then met up with juniors for lunch which was flopped at dhoby. then popped by to say hi to ms ho. and photocopy my stuff plus buy the red pen that i always forget.

then walked to teochew building which was another ulu place to me. but apparently to my mom it's so 're nao' and the street is suppose to be bustling with activities. wells...

then end of my tiring journey. travelled from bb to cck to novena to dhoby then back to bb.

rested awhile at home and went to woodlands for meeting! yay! hk!

kinda excited about it. heh.

some random pictures:
a curry puff turned dinosaur?

playground with a sofa?

FEAST!

K for KWEK!

Coolest bday party ever with a big cake made of shou taos

Jumper suit girls! have i posted this before?? oh man! >.<

i love this ahma. she never fails to make my day =)

09062008

2008-06-09T23:00:00.002+08:00

a blasting shock today.

i was asked to go down to communicable disease centre for tbcu. tuberculosis check up? argh.

cuz i had contact with TWO patients who later upon discharge/transfer were diagnosed with tb.

tell me i'm paranoid.

haiz, if really i'm tested positive, then thats like. ... ... ...

i haven't done so many things in my life.

and you haven't talked to me, neither have i told you what's in my heart.

06062008

2008-06-07T00:36:00.003+08:00

okies. happy belated bday to me!

these few days were really craziness.

monday to sat working.

and super crazy after work.

cuz i've got driving on monday, tuition on tues, tuition on wed, concert on thurs, and today went over to hwee's house to settle hk stuff. omt lar im like so tired. been sleeping at crazy hours these few days.

okies didnt really enjoy my bday that much. firstly i was working for the full day. secondly not so nice things happened.

and i got a rude shock. totally rude. guess who i met. omt. and i was like. wth. omg. i dunno wad to say. i wanna scream!!!!!!!!!!

slept like 2 plus after the concert and woke up like 7 plus feeling like a panda.

so panda that i boarded a mercedes without knowing it was merz until i boarded it the second time. i think if someone kidnaps me now i'll probably jus say kill me. hAHHA!

looking forward to hk now! but so sad yar still gotta work. rawrs. and gosh look at the time its past midnite by an hour le. ARGH!

and not to forget, thank you all who have sent their wishes and regards!

hopes dashed of being sarah. cuz i know the answer before i even ask. i just know because ur eyes tells me so.

04062008

2008-06-04T00:24:00.002+08:00

as i typed the title for this entry, i suddenly feel very very sad and very very lonely!

am i gonna spend my bday alone??

ahh!!

i wanna be like sarah. lols.

erms.

u noe the channel u show. HAHA

okies, today was super dots. first my mom made me erupt. she's always blaming me for things that i didnt do or mean. omg lar and she's the least grateful cuz she repaid my kindness in helping her do her stupid software update(which was so long and so painstaking) by hiding her laptop somewhere and refusing to let me use. hahax but i still stole it. heh.

zeng mei liang xin is like making me on fire too. although he spoke to kailin and not me. but tml is my turn. its like. really. DOTS DIAO DRAAAA..

think im really gonna tan pai with him tml. the zmlx.

and omt this fella added me on msn i nearly fainted! HAHA! cuz i saw the email add and i went HAHA!! ok gracecxl when u see this u better msn or sms me. lols.

gonna sleep soon! my tutee's mom gave me two frozen mangoes today. looks yummy! erm. hahax. wells. thinking about hongkong trip makes me high! and zmlx makes me wanna bring matchsticks to work tml. and burn his office down. HAHAHAHA.

29052008

2008-05-29T23:47:00.002+08:00

sometimes i think i really think too much. but i think i really cannot stop myself from thinking. lols. so mao dun.

anyway my seamonkeys are really erm, looking like madam mosquito's child. yeww..

my myanmar student is really adorable. and i think she's really pretty! and not totally hopeless(like my other kid).

oh wells, my manager asked for me today after work, but i disappeared upon seeing that he's not there.(advice from fellow colleagues) wonder whats happening? but should be because me and kl really made it damn obvious that we wanna leave the place le. oh no.

i jus got suan-ed by this person. if i know it i wouldn't have initiated the converse. yucks. hello, who gave in so much previously loh, who is the one who is like causing all the troubles?? please reflect.

shit. i think i really starting to feel it. that i'm falling for someone! ahhhhhh!

28052008

2008-05-28T23:52:00.003+08:00

i realise its really really gonna be june soon. VERY SOON.

people ask me, why am i so hard on myself? working and slogging away so hard and hardly taking any rest at all. i just feel i'm born to be like this. and born to be totally not dependent on my parents for money. yay =X

took a halfday today went to ntu, while it was cats and dogs-ing. like thunderstorm. EVERY TIME I SETTLE UNI STUFFS SURE THUNDERSTORM! tian ar!

wells, today had driving again. everytime when i go for driving, there's bound to be something interesting. did lane change and right turn today and my head and eyes never stopped turning/rolling for a moment! so busy please! okies maybe not used to it. oh man. and the first right turn i did on the roads, i nearly cause an accident at the road junction. jus cuz my car stalled while i was turning halfway. uh oh. thats really bad. plus i didnt really understand the instructor cuz he speaks weirdly. as in he was speaking to me in english, but i know he prefers to speak in mandarin. lols.

then after the lesson, i met this guy from nj who looked really familiar. and i think he's someone i went for maldives trip with. lols. he asked how's my uni stuff. i told him blah blah blah and asked him back how's his. he told me he got into some engine then this year he reapply while in ns and got into med, but he is going to reapply for some other course. i'm like =.=. dots..ok i still cant remember his name. shoots. i have stm.

i realise by doing all these, i'm just running away, escaping.

22052008

2008-05-22T23:31:00.002+08:00

ahhh! i'm eating chocs now! no wonder the ah pek thinks i'm pregnant.

anyway today was quite fun! cuz went out for community integration with patients! though fun but it's stressful and yikess.

then went jp with kl and shopp shopp shopp! cuz i wanted to buy the seamonkey mixture. just added the purifier a minute ago and i'm hoping that it'll be successul. lolx.

bought a top and really enjoyed today. though today my time bomb ticked and i really felt urghhh like killing someone. bleahx.

and i realise i'm really affected by that small little things that you do.

21052008

2008-05-21T23:03:00.003+08:00

today's such an eventful day.

had the southern hemisphere flu vaccine after lunch and mine jus bled like more than it is suppose to. (??!) whereas my colleague's one didn't have any blood. an hour after the vaccine, which was the peak period of my afternoon schedule, my hand turned numb and i couldn't really lift it up.

okays so this numbness actually stayed but it got a little better lah. and i went for driving lesson and met jo lai who just came back from london?? wells. this instructor he wanted me to change gear while turning, so my hands gotta be so firm yeah. that's so challenging please! then the instructor asked me if i am a teacher. i felt so puzzled, so i asked him what made him think that way. and he said, i look like a PE TEACHER. OMTTT...

then on the way back on the bus, this ah pek gave up his seat to me. i'm like WHATT?! hahax. prolly my tummy too much fats so too big and he thought i'm pregnant.

so what am i? a pregnant pe teacher?

20052008

2008-05-20T23:44:00.002+08:00

oh man. i think i'm always so negative. roar! i must be more positive and learn to cherish what i have now!

alritess. today's work was. so so, crazy again. wearing the idiotic workbelt. and i think i'm gonna stop wearing that soon. cuz me and another colleague have evil plans this coming june. HAHA.

today was kind of tired cuz i think i have rested too many days!

and i wanna go shopping but first of all, money money come!!

anyone has jobs to recommend?

19082008

2008-05-19T00:32:00.002+08:00

ok.

immediately after i said hello, i regretted. i suck.

yuck.

17052008

2008-05-17T23:32:00.002+08:00

woah. a feeling of relief. cuz i jus accepted my course. relief and lost actually.

went shopping with xingyu just now. i really feel like going back to school. hahahhax. like a crazy looking at bags, clothes, PENCIL CASES, FILES, ERASERS, NOTEBOOKS. but they were kinda spastic lah..

and so not looking forward to tuesday. roar.

haiz. all my friends are going all over the place. uk, aust, nus. sigh. i'm so gonna miss them. and miss christmas celebration. sobx. suddenly so sad. i'm gonna be all alone ='(

the weather is so ultra hot. toot. i wanna go aircon aircon place!

14052008

2008-05-14T23:36:00.002+08:00

today was super hectic. until...

woah i couldn't breathe. firstly was due to this workbelt which made us look like ninjas and turtles and like idiots. must really take a 'cool' picture of myself in that workbelt. superb! secondly, my supervisor wasn't around and suddenly i had an influx of 5 patients and i dunno how to handle SO MANY at one go. cuz OT is more like specialised and different treatment for each patient and i'm like =X =S >.<

ok then my sup returned like after an hour. when the patients started clearing. goodness what a day!

but morning was kind of slack. and we were like discussing about how we look like in our workbelts. and tony gave some really hilarious comments, which reminded me of dr colin yesterday cuz me and kailin were like laughing at dr colin's super-ultra-noone bothers to catch-lame jokes. lolx. and dr andrew kept pointing at me and asking me if i was going bungee or parachuting. how bad is that??

i can't imagine i gotta wear that for a month more. or more than that.

my sis always quarrels with her bf for some reason and i think this kinda relationship is so tiring. i think a more relaxing one with more jokes and fun would be better=) ok random. jus some random thoughts.

11052008

2008-05-11T23:52:00.003+08:00

life is a struggle.

lolx.

okies, quoting from someone, cuz i think it's so true.

struggling to keep myself away from temptations, from dying of boredom, from becoming a autistic young adult.

and of course, struggling with the usual problems faced at home, with friends and with my mind from thinking about that shit. lolx.

sometimes i just feel that everyone is so selfish. including me of course. but, everyone needs a listening ear, am i right?

07052008

2008-05-08T00:25:00.002+08:00

oh man. an ex patient of mine is suspected to have tb. im dead. im on the list for contact tracing. and i'm super worried i'll get it. moreover i didn't take BCG!! ARGH!

okies, i hope im just being paranoid and nothing else.

06052008

2008-05-06T23:26:00.002+08:00

the reverse of today's date will be my birthday. HAH.

anyway, suddenly feeling emo again. had a chat with a colleague today and she's from myanmar. just so happen the recent mishap happened in her hometown. and she told me, she tried contacting everyone; her father, mother, siblings, aunt, and even friends. and none of them could be contacted. her eyes seemed so sad while she spoke, and the most triggering line from her was "I just hope to hear just one of their voices. With that I will feel at least some assurance. Now I don't even know what really has happened."

i nearly cried with that.

imagine losing ALL your loved ones overnight. your own family and closest friends. while you are all alone in a foreign land. and you can't travel back yet. omt. and she's really a very nice lady. someone who has helped me throughout since the first day i stepped into st luke's as a TA.

i really pray hard for her. and all her fellow countrymen. haiz. i wish i can do something to help.

life's such a sad episode.

04052008

2008-05-04T22:39:00.005+08:00

woah super depressed.

i forgot all my college's work le. thats so very bad!! imagine all of us mugged so hard just for that few As on our certs, and now, when i ask, no one actually was able to help with all that syllabus stuff. no one remembers anything about vectors, inorg chem, graphing yada yada.

does this show the failure of the education system? i think this long vacation is turning us all into idiots. i admit i'm one now. i felt like an idiot unable to ans any of those critical and basic questions. and i wondered how the army guys are gonna cope with school after the 2 yrs 'vacation'. even more idiotic then the girls? lolx.

rarr! i feel so useless. yikess.

just realise i will be going to china in 3 yrs' time. as in this fate is more or less settled. i think lady luck is really not on my side. like tong ren bu tong ming or something. =XX

02052008

2008-05-02T23:30:00.002+08:00

okie dokie.

i love to nudge pple on msn. hahax. sometimes i really wonder, do crappy converse make pple think in another perspective? because it did change me. hahax. i think i'm not sounding like a human now. hahax. too tired.

went club on wed, it was an eye opener for me. okies im a noob lar k. hahax. but really things that happen in the dark... you won't see them out of club can. lolx. its not anything indecent fyi. and some kid just refuse to tell me some things. i really wanna strangle him. hahax.

then reached home at about 4 plus. slept at 5 plus. then woke up at 9 cuz my cousin reached my house le. lolx. den woke up and went sentosa. omt i really feel like a zombie. and i sentosa-ed all the way till evening time and i was under the umbrella all the while. hAHHA. cuz my skin cant stand the midday sun! was splitting like toot! then went for dinner and reached home at about 9.30pm and was struggling to keep my eyes open to watch the 9pm show. and then slept at 11.

went to work again today. pretty much the same just that i felt like a zombie the first thing in the morning. and so i wore specs. then my ex sup saw and kept staring and staring. okie i look like a guai kia. so. anw. hahax. anw things didnt go so well towards the end of the day. and i realise i really hate cleaning.

and rushed home and prepared for lesson. siao. now i can hardly open my eyes. life is so packed up!

29042008

2008-04-29T23:18:00.002+08:00

such an eventful day.

first stop in the morning: collect my rec letter from st luke's. then it rained heavily as i walked out from st luke's to the busstop. then saw this double deck turning in and i started running. hot, sticky, and raining. the weather rocks. and chase after the bus somemore.

second stop at nj. walked uphill to the maingate and the security guard gave me TEN minutes. ello, i think by the time i reach letter tray already ten mins can. took my other letters and went to photocopy them. and had to queue super long can. so in the end, i jus randomly asked this junior to help me with the duplicates. lolx. nice guy cuz he refused the 30cents for the photocopying yar. HAHA.

third stop. busstop outside nj. rocks. i walked out from maingate, jus that this time, the drizzle got heavier. BOO. and my stupid aluminium so light weight umbrella nearly got blown away. DOTS.

reached nus, but i realise i don't know how to get to yll!! so i just blindly alighted at central, and hoped on to any bus. which brought me to pgpr(i think so). argh. wrong bus wrong direction i think. hmm. so waited for the same bus at the terminus and i felt like everyone's laughing at me. and met my senior there. so paiseh! so back at central, my senior told me to take this bus and i also rmb my cousin telling me before. so got to yll. but i alighted and got lost. dunno where's dean's office.

so i jus grabbed this uncle i saw. he's a cleaner there as he claimed to be, and brought me to the block. and on the way i felt like he's giving me a tour, and he pointed out this building to me and said 'zhe bian dou shi fang si ren de'. i felt spooked out pls. as in the way his tone suddenly went DOWN. like =S. like eerie. hahax.

so at dean's office, the lady at the counter wasn't really that friendly and kept telling me there's no appeal? then later she said i needed an appeal letter. omt wads that. then i took out my amazingly huge package of rubbish and asked if she could help me submit to the panel. she couldnt stand me and so she called this lady out to entertain me. this lady took this stack of stuff and said she would pass to the panel. which i really really really hope so and hope that i will receive some good news (after so many bad ones) soon. haiz.

okie. then back to work. another long trip. bus to mrt to bus. couldn't walk any further and the sun was blazingly hot. hahax. btw this big bug bit me at the interchange. am i dying?

at work. wow. my sup didnt come. so erm. my second day at the ward? and it's like i only followed her for half a day ytd? so erm. i only saw ONE patient. goodness. i miss ward 22. sigh. i miss the demented patients and playing with them. really fun can. work now is like, plain work. i dont feel the desire to go the extra mile. whatever it is, tml is the extension of contract. i'm regretting it! argh!

hope tml's work will be alright. btw i realise i really cant stand pple rolling eyes at me. or simply jus rolling their eyes. cuz i realise this sup of mine really quite likes to roll hers. haiz.

for now, jiu zi ge bi. byebye.=)

27042008

2008-04-27T23:02:00.002+08:00

now i know the meaning of huo bu dan xing. troubles spell one after another. just non-stop. since the beginning of the year, everything has screwed nonstop.

now its worse. nothing could be worse i think.

i'm only left with one choice. biomed tcm. i think thats it.

sigh...

since when did my life get so screwed up? this year must be a bad year, cuz i keep hearing alot of people telling me how screwed up they are. okies, maybe i'll just go be a nun.

i feel like crying everytime all these problems come into my mind. sian. i just wanna run away from them.

26042008

2008-04-26T23:23:00.002+08:00

i ask myself, why am i doing this?

anw, my life's so screwed up, and its been so difficult trying to get pple out to chill.

and i'm starting to have weird thoughts.

like shaving my hair.

going club on my own.

and even..

omg i dun dare to say it.

someone just wake me up alrights?

19042008

2008-04-19T22:38:00.003+08:00

sighs.

this is really depressing.

so my fear really gonna come true. NUS: FASS

shit.

tell me this is not happening to me and its just a dream.

okays maybe all the while i'm dreaming.

but i really don't believe it.

if it's just because of PW.

thanks man ruby. thanks for destroying my hope.

even though my sup gave words of encouragement. that he thinks i'll have a chance to speak up, but i think its impossible.

if only this weekend i'm busy typing on the computer with a purpose instead of going on irc or playing silly facebook games and flooding the whole of facebook with my game scores.

appearing to be happy but will you ever know?

11042008

2008-04-11T23:57:00.003+08:00

laptop's back at last!

have been disconnected with the world for like two weeks? since my last entry.

lols.

and i feel damn sian now.

cuz i heard alot of rumours.

dots.

anyway, daddy's back! from his 'long holiday' at st luke's. and we are all gonna get so busy with all the fuss. HAHA! i met yellowvan two times this week, good luck! well i certainly hope so. sianz.

hope there will be more yellowvans next week. really losing hope in everything now. haiz.

30032008

2008-03-30T01:26:00.004+08:00

nice date today! =) 30032008

i'm like rotting online.

while the laptop is making alot of noise.

my mom suddenly came out from her room and asked me to go sleep.

i was like, since when she start showing me concern?

then i replied okok will sleep soon.

then she went back to her room.

then she came out again.

and screamed at me 'YOU WANNA SPOIL MY COMPUTER THEN HAPPY ISIT?!'

gave me a fright.

but other than that, i didn't really feel anything.

so she wasn't concerned about me sleeping late. she was concerned about her laptop.

right now she's like nagging nonstop over me using her laptop till it spoil. or rather till it gonna spoil.

hello? this laptop has been alive and kicking for 3 yrs le i think. not that i wanna curse it, but i think time's up soon lah.

wth.

i thought my parents were so concerned about me. SO CONCERNED about me indeed that they gave me ZERO opinion for my uni course app. totally straight face. but my dad jus wish that i can study locally. thats all.

wells.

don't parents have some expectations or wishes for their children?

i don't get it.

27032008

2008-03-27T00:42:00.002+08:00

oh man.

i just checked my email.

good news plus bad news.

i needa give an answer, make up my mind by this friday.

gosh. hell.

anyway, screwed up connection.

i typed this entry THRICE ytd, but each time its error. so wells, screwed up. and i hope it doesnt screw up again. cuz ytd i also applied for ntu stuff like 2 or 3 times. but screwed up. LOL.

okays anw happy bday karen! =D

i just wanna go drinking and mad and drunk=)

22032008

2008-03-22T00:04:00.002+08:00

was that a sign of declaring war?

i think it is.

i think one should really practice some self-censorship though at times u can voice out your unhappiness. what you typed and what you said today was like, a total different thing. so that makes me the bad guy. and maybe i am, but is this fair now?

yes scholarships, medicine. prestige, fame, wealth. everything.

thanks.

for making me so speechless.

17032008

2008-03-18T00:01:00.003+08:00

HAHHAX.

went for driving practical today and my legs are totally soured now. LOL. i just wonder why they are so sour. kinda interesting! i think it's fun so. yup. hahax. and my reactions are super -.-.. can tell from the instructor's face. he looks kinda beng, but he's still decent though the actions are abit =.=

okays! submitted psc scholarship app for fun. u noe why for fun? cuz i put med as first choice. lol. cant even get in, much less to say scholarship for that.

anw, had a chat with ms ho, and i feel so discouraged. i think i shouldn't even try. =X

aw, please tell me how now.

16032008

2008-03-17T00:20:00.002+08:00

okay fruitful day to nus with an old fren today!

sort of made up my mind to apply for yll, after talking to this lady. but now i'm reconsidering again. this is too risky. because i dun have a strong backup course for uni. okay maybe biomed tcm but there's simply too many factors to consider. and okay maybe teaching, but then again...maybe, i could try some funny engineering! lol. i dun look like an engineer i think.

then at night, after talking to so so many people. i'm like deviated from the thought above. HAHA. VASCILLATING.

why must yll be so hard to get in? haiz. passionate but scared. cuz its like, bu gan gao pan wo zi ji.

and grace told me, her brain is totally fried. i think mine is too. hahax i like the term- fried brain. LOLX.

someone asked me today about the personality test(which i dun recall taking), am i an introvert or an extrovert. i really dunno? lol. i think im just someone who thinks too much. rofl.

15032008

2008-03-15T20:33:00.002+08:00

mad mad day.

law school is DAMN nice. SO COLONIAL. but besides the school compound, the courses there dun really interest me. hahax, and i still think i'm for healthcare.

but there's a really big prob. and i dunno what i should do. OH MAN. it's like i have to decide like real soon. and i dunno how to decide. roars. every night i think about it i wanna cry, and the teachers are not helping either. they are totally NOT RESPONDING to my sms-es and i think most people face this problem. i mean like, i thought teachers are suppose to feel happy for their students who are going to take up scholarships and be more than willing to help. guess im too naive.

and i think i really am too naive. so many things happened and i think i've possess more resistance now.

15032008

2008-03-15T09:20:00.001+08:00

woah terrible.

i had the most difficult night yesterday, trying to sleep and trying not to think so much. hell man. and i'm ever so confused and dunno what to do. dunno what to do with my life and SHOOTS people are like heck but i can't!! cuz i've only got 4days left it's either take it or leave it. HOW?

i wish someone could just answer me how. and stop ps-ing.

09032008

2008-03-09T20:38:00.002+08:00

quite pissed just now. cuz two times in two days. REALLY ANGRY. and i don't think those people who made me really mad knows that i am mad. and that is the ultimate problem.

and i find some of my friends who are trying out their luck for that course, like me, are acting abit weird. like doing what they did and i got really dudiao-ed.

yes, i get angry easily, but thats really the limit OK. and i have to start making plans. cuz its so maddening and i don't want it to happen again the coming week. bloody. toot.

had a great meal with chickenfloss just now. and helped celebrate even though its after a year. LOL. chickenfloss is a great friend! =D

and so much for making myself happy through food.

i'm at the crossroad now, just like what grace said. everyone is. sigh.

02032008

2008-03-02T23:40:00.002+08:00

heart to heart talks.

today had two rounds of heart to heart talks.

i guess it made us feel alot better knowing there are others who are caught in the same, or worse situation, and that we are not alone.

busy busy life.

sometimes i really wonder. what do i really want?

maybe, just a shoulder for me to lean on, to weap on, and a pair of listening ears always ready to hear me out, my sorrows, and a pair of hands that could bring me tissue to dry my tears for me.

sigh.

29022008

2008-02-28T23:58:00.002+08:00

haiz.

suddenly feel like crying.

OH NO.

suddenly i feel i have so many unfinished dreams. but i'm hindered by so many things.

so tired now.

everytime when i feel ultra tired, i would be reminded of the situation. and why, why on earth did it happened to me? to my family?

friends. do they even understand a tiny pinch of what i am going through now.

i feel as if a strong pillar about to collapse soon.

25022008

2008-02-24T23:55:00.002+08:00

freaking life.

freaking life freaking madrush everyday.

life's been so crazy each day.

i think i'm going crazy soon.

my sis was saying she has depression. and i think i was the one who spread it to her.

ohkays thats great.

i'm crazy.

last day at affy: sup Jas brought me out for lunch. and had fish and co. which was err, air filling cuz i had the same airy tummy feeling and face went pale. but nonetheless big thanks to her. she's great! and helped me alot =) also went for tuition and i freaked out. hell.

first day at st lukes: great man so much info to rmb and with all that clinical short forms. i nearly died. but heng ar pple there are quite nice and my sup's quite err, dunno how to describe. lol. quite fun. and went for tuiton again. this time still alright, cuz its not ENGLISH. hell.

second day at st lukess: greatness i did some hands on and toot! i kept banging into things. yawns. brought pa for acupuncture at night.

third day at st lukesss: gosh kinda funny. nearly fell aslp while watching the uncle play with beanie bags. yawns. and weather turned weird. tuition again at night. hell.

fourth day at st lukessss: tian ar so tiring and working on a sat. TOOT. sup let me do the HA myself. GOSH i nearly freaked. but i told myself 'steady steady'. anyways, madrush back home to bathe den pompeepee to cityhall for ntu's talk at suntec. kinda flop. den went slacking at night. hell i need some time for myself.

today>>> hellish day of the hell days. got kinda pissed with somethings. and after that with myself. met up with some horny girl and she kinda cheered me up. TOOT. piano lessons in the morning and had one more student. so hell mad rush to amk and things didnt turn out too well. so toot i went back bb and met up with horny and she horned me to death. den went visiting at st lukess. so sorry to horny i made her drive one huge round. HAHA!

horkaiss. this doesn't sound like me. its sounds like some 5 yr old kiddo.

can u believe the above is written by someone tuitoning gp?

gawd.

i can't.

actually, i kinda can't believe this author is teaching gp and DARES to teach gp.

hell.

she's living hell.

18022008

2008-02-18T23:20:00.003+08:00

today's a crazy day.

or rather, these few days are craziness..

i received so many many missed calls from this tuition agent and i think she's mad mad mad.

she kept stuffing so many assignments at me without confirming a single one.

shall entertain her just once more.

just yesterday, some crazy fella (pls tell me if its u) called me at 2.49am. (WAD!?!?!?!? i dunid to sleeep??!!?!?!?)

madness.

anyway, last day at affy tml.

hope it'll be more interesting than today's butt rot. =)

2008-02-10T23:07:00.000+08:00

i feel damn damn damn guilty now.

went to my cousins' house to bai nian after dinner. and my sis suggested going sight seeing after that.

i was quite reluctant.

but seeing my cousins' enthusiasm, i didnt reject.

in my heart, i badly wanted to go home.

because it's papa's last day of home leave tonight.

in the end it dragged all the way till like now, 11pm.

yikes.

i didn't get to wash up papa for 2 nights le.

i feel BLOODY HELLISH GUILTY.

i hate myself.

i think i suck as a daughter.

2008-02-07T23:20:00.000+08:00

happy chinese new year!!

was so tired to blog yesterday.

tian ar.

hahax, today was uber fuN!

my relatives came and it was so re4 nao4!!

can really feel the new year mood.

and we(my cousins and i) were sitting around my dad, and he was listening to our conversations.

nice to have people around in the house.

and oops i'm so hungry now!

=DD

more photos coming sooN! :)

01022008

2008-02-02T01:30:00.000+08:00

eh i jus realise my blog entries have weird dates. they are all wrong! US time?

anyways, kinda feeling moody today. so i had this ridiculously random thought of deleting my internet history. so delete delete delete. and now i lost some valuable addresses. toot. beep.

and now im typing with one finger cuz the other have got chocolate stains on them. eating choco at 1.30am. hoping that chocos can make a diff to my life, and stop being so moody!

i think i cant hold any longer-- keeping so many things to myself. *POP*

01312008

2008-02-01T00:09:00.001+08:00

wow a tough month has passed!

celebrated the end of a tough month today. by selling my sloman, and having a good meal. =)

hope the months to come will be better! after touching the fortune water. -.-

really optimistic now.

but not so optimistic cuz i suddenly thought of VALENTINE'S DAY!

SOBX!

lolx..okie i shall spend it with err, myself, my mom, my dad. yay.

-.-'''

okays so tired, its 12.15am and im still waiting for hair to dry. and working tml. jiuming ar~

29012008

2008-01-29T23:59:00.000+08:00

woohoO! had a superbly fun time with njco cellobass just now!

actually had the intention of bringing books there, but ended up enjoying myself pretty much! so guilty! rarr! like totally forgotten about daddy! oh no!

anw, think i'll start working in st lukes sometime after cny? hope so :) think admin's really not the job for me. my butt is rotting away.

okies so now, bedtime!

really hope things are certainly getting better! =D

still thinking of the adolesence question. >.<

24012008

2008-01-24T23:27:00.000+08:00

as usual, went to visit daddy at hosp.

but today was abit unusual, cuz i applied full day leave, for interview and for caregiver session with the missies. hahax.

and luckily i took leave. cuz in the end i felt unwell myself.

just now daddy said this to me, and i felt my tears welling up. "sorry, wo2 you3 hen3 duo1 tian1 mei2 gei2 ni3 qian2."

at this point of time he still thinks about my pocket money.

though thats what i worry everyday, how to keep my bread and butter myself. for i know my sisters have to help share the medical costs (like one session with TCM costs $40) and i feel so helpless not being able to help. so, more piano and tuition pls! =)

horkai so tired. =X ROAR.

22012008

2008-01-22T20:55:00.001+08:00

woah, last week was craziness.

sunday: shifted furnitures, threw lotsa clothes away(37kg) and more to go..painted my mom's room.there's echo when we speak in the room now! cleared so many things man.

before that was piano lessons. that's abit like craziness. cuz i also no experience!! AHH!!

monday: went for theory practice(driving) and i keep failing..=( cuz i always nv look through beforehand and whack. oh man=X received a call to go for interview on thurs. hope it goes well..=)

today: did practically NOTHING during work. slacked ALL THE WAY. help! i want somethings to do prs.

okie hope there's things to do tml. SOBX

19012008

2008-01-19T21:58:00.000+08:00

alamakz, like gonna fall sick soon..

anw, suddenly have this strong urge to blog.

during the period when my dad was in 'great danger' and in great need, his so called 'best friend' whom he hang out with everyday did not even pop by once. instead, those who came were his old friends. what we see it as, is a friend in need is a friend indeed. his best friend, a friend indeed.

i think maybe people of my age don't really know how to respond to such stuff, and we are often too self-minded, because i'm like that too. for instance, those friends whom i consider my good friends, don't really know what kind of a circumstance i'm in. thats just because i haven't heard from them, or heard them asking about my dad's condition eversince the 2nd of jan. i'm not afraid to say it out, to express my disappointment in friendships.

thats because i think i'll never make any true good friends anymore. i've been brought up this way, since pri school. even in sec sch, i have this friend who takes people for granted, and after making me wait for her for one hour, she threw nasty words at me upon meeting up with others. what does that make me? a piece of shit?

mixed feelings of anger and disappointment. i've finally said them out. anyway, my dad's currently staying in rehab centre, and his whole left side is still paralysed. but a good thing is that he's coming back for chinese new year! =) jus for that few days only tho.sigh.

oh not forgetting to thank little miss chan for her utmost concern! i think she understands! =) thanx man!

14012008

2008-01-14T23:56:00.000+08:00

i think everyone will grow up. thats like duh.

in my pov i felt i grew up most for this period of 2 years, in jc, and also recently.

things and environment make us change.

so many things have happened. too many that i can't absorb fully what is really going on.

too fast that i don't have time to shed a tear.

i wish everything will just return to normal .

05012008

2008-01-05T09:30:00.000+08:00

a tough week has passed.

i hope everything will be fine.

i pray for good health for everyone, especially daddy=)

2008 is really a crazy year.

i hope cny will have the effect of ridding old and welcoming the new, ridding the bad and welcoming the good.

guess i won't be online for quite some days, dun miss me! =XX

tata! stay happy everyone, and cherish ur loved ones.

02012008

2008-01-02T18:19:00.000+08:00

second day of new year! =)

hmmm, i think 2008 started off pretty badly.

firstly, before i even countdown to 2008, my contact lens had uber lots of problem..and made my eye itch and teary..

then after countdown had to go home myself cuz no one stays in the west area. =X

followed by today, work (plus played table tennis at work), and came home to find my dad so sick.

pains my heart to see him so sickly. and for a moment my thoughts ran wild. but i remembered, the fortune teller once said he is going to live long. and he sure will=)

praying hard for daddy..

30122007

2007-12-30T22:59:00.000+08:00

second last day of year 2007..

went mahjong at alvin house.

quite fun!

but felt like sleeping in the afternoon.

and was hyper again at night!

these few days, mood really lousy, days really bad.

i just don't know why-

anyway, happy new year in advance!

28122007

2007-12-29T00:31:00.000+08:00

last few days of year 2007!

how come i get a feeling i gained nothing from this year?

anyway, met up with dearest rvco cellobass!! really very ultraa happy to see them once again. and 5 generations were present! oh man i miss those days. those days with pok fungg sook hua. those days playing a fool during practice.

christmas gifts!

old friends=) we rock=D

27122007

2007-12-27T21:10:00.000+08:00

depressed.

super depression.

so bored and now this...

alamakz.

i swear i gonna slp early today.

i don't think i can take it anymore.

25122007

2007-12-26T00:36:00.000+08:00

hohoho!~

had a wonderful day with row, meiping and bernie!

i always look forward to the annual meetup on christmas day. it's always so wonderful to see my pretty girlfriends and oh my, they have all turned to beautiful ladies!

ahhahx..and there's the gossip session..somehow there'll always be things to gossip about..lolx.

and thinking back those -.- crazy days. like so stupid.

i think what jiahao2 said is applicable here.

'it is the fate that brings, but the effort that binds.'

i still think childhood friends are the best. irreplaceable. =)

merry christmas!

why does it burn? i hope thats not happening=X

25122007

2007-12-25T12:01:00.000+08:00

oh man!!

i had such great fun yesterday, and high-ing like mad..

the company was great, 4 girls (as usual, karen, steph, xingyu) and 3 body guards!! ---> zhitao, zhirong and victor! the tallest 3 in S06! HAH! really hope the guys had as much fun as the girls=) though they jus keep pressing phone nia..

everything jus fall into place nicely, like me and steph had discussed..lol..us going toysrus to look for my seamonkey(though i didnt buy), then saw the tumbler, then calling victor out to give the pressie to him, him calling the twin towers, us meeting up with victor and twin towers, and walking along orchard, spotting that FREE bus, boarding the FREE and COMFY bus that goes to CLARK QUAY, us reaching clarkquay and finding leftover spray cans to play with, drinking, missing the mrt(LOLX), taking NR...

all so sweet and dreamy! =D

and now i noe zhirong is SO ROMANTIC..LOLX. and victor is so cute? he actually sent a card?! and zhitao is mr caring! teehee, im still so high now..lolx..

anw the network's super screwed up..i received the bottom half of jelly's tree only like this morning, when the top part came in at 2 plus ytd..madness..

merry christmas and take care everyone!! have fun! =)

AND A BIG THANK YOU TO CHIFAN JUNIORS FOR THE LOVELY CARD!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! +)

23122007

2007-12-23T21:02:00.000+08:00

ohhh..

today's such a havoc day..

i fell again.

like falling down once a week..

this time i fell on the escalator..

and i glided down the steps of the escalator, like some slide or wad..

jus that i was bumping down..

lol, and siasee got a shock..

anw took siasee's car.. so cool can!

i hope i can get my driving licence the first time i take the test. heh. like too soon to talk about it.

and yay christmas is coming!!

merry christmas in advance! =D

22122007

2007-12-22T22:36:00.000+08:00

today's such a bore!!

i wanna go out tml!!

oh mann..

and my house here is like an ensemble, one side ge1 tai2, the other side xmas party..

LOLX

and i haven gotten xmas gifts.

oh no!

such a headache..

i wanna go experience clubbing man.. anyone?? HEHE!

rmb to visit!
http://spparklez.blogspot.com/

so near, but seems so far..

21122007

2007-12-21T18:40:00.000+08:00

hahhax so not used to writing dates in this manner: dd/mm/yy cuz of work which we had to write: mm/dd/yy

anyway, sakelah gave birth yesterday, so her baby's a hari raya baby!
how cool man..and i'm left doing those things alone..but still kinda free lah =P

set up a blogshop with partner sparkle1.. LOLX

my dear frens please go take a look!! and support K! =DD
http://spparklez.blogspot.com/